I'm quickly approaching my fourth decade around the sun. Of course, I'm not quite 40 years old yet, but I've added a few bonus years of experience.
Why, you might ask?
Well, I survived a post-partum pandemic year while living with my partner, four dogs, two cats, and a couple of immunocompromised parents, all while on furlough from work. It aged me.
While watching my mini grow over the last two years, I've had front-row seats to witness my reflection in her actions and mannerisms. This mirror image is often quite enjoyable. And other times, her behavioral display mortifies me mainly because I recognize myself in those moments.
At this point, her behavior is predominately learned. And I'm one of only a few teachers in her life, for a few more years at least. But, when she is having a complete meltdown and demonstrating the full power of her lungs, one thing is clear - this girl has my DNA.
I was sipping my morning java and scrolling the internet one recent morning. I slipped further and further out of my body as each taste brought me closer to heaven. Then suddenly, I snapped back into consciousness. The words I was reading spoke loudly to me. Whether the angels or the algorithms delivered the following message, I needed it:
"Some days she's a warrior, and some days she's a broken mess. Most days, she's a bit of both. But every day, she's there. Standing. Fighting. Trying."
Thanks to the efforts of @Thinkology!
Their written truth created a vibration that filled my brain and disarmed my inner voice. Unfortunately, that voice often calls out my mistakes or recalls my many moments of weakness. I (think) like many mothers who came before me, we have incredibly high expectations of our parenting abilities.
There was no book to warn us. There was nothing anyone could say that would give us a complete understanding. So until I felt the metaphorical weight on my back, I couldn't possibly fathom how a thousand straws would feel.
I share this with you, not for sympathy, but because being a BABs means creating lofty goals and dreaming too big.
And as I teach my mini to breath through the toughest of moments, I am reminded to silence that inner bully. No matter who you are, no matter where you live, we all have that inner voice.
Maybe, just maybe. You are one of the lucky ones with an inner voice that is nice and kind. But in my experience, you are a scarce bird. And my inner voice just told me I'm jealous of you. I hope that I can hear my daughter tell me that she too has a kind and supportive inner voice one day.
We are, after all, multi-faceted beings. So it's understandable that the unexpected moments of life might make a mess of us. But those messy moments make for the mightiest of victories. So on those messy days, we hope you find strength and support in our community.
And when you feel like a Badass Betch, you might be the warrior someone needs to fight off her inner demons too.
What does your inner voice tell you? Or have you learned to quiet that voice?