I'm starting a new series called "Everything I Learned About Life I Learned From.."
In this series, I will share the lessons that made me so wise. I know y'all think I am a fountain of knowledge to drink from and improve your life.
Okay, that's a lie. I realize I'm a cautionary tale meant to share stories of woe in the hopes that the masses might avoid my blunders. But I still think I might have some sage words of advice.
You be the judge.
Everything I Learned About Life I Learned From… Gum.
I go through stints of loving and hating gum. Usually, I stop chewing gum because my loved ones tell me I chew like a cow. Frankly, I think it's a sign of pure enjoyment, but the comment usually causes me to cease usage for a temporary amount of time.
When I am in the midst of a chewing frenzy, it is a matter of time before I bite the side of my mouth. Once I have sustained that injury, it's like my teeth go all Jaws on the side of my mouth every time I chew gum.
Life lesson: it's insanity to think that the same behavior will not yield the same results. I need to stop chewing gum and move on to something else until the damage is healed… like crack cocaine. Just kidding. Like Jolly Ranchers.
Translation to real life: how often do we try to make a relationship, job, or friendship work when it keeps biting us in the butt? Sometimes you have to move on to heal. There will always be another love, job, or friend out there for you.
Gum will 100% get kids on your good side. I know this for a fact as I was a substitute teacher many years ago, and I'd start the class by handing out gum. I told the kids I was not above bribing their good behavior with gum. It worked every single time.
Life lesson: you can crack a kid's hard outer shell with gum. WARNING: do not hand out gum randomly on street corners. The cops will look down on this behavior.
Translation to real life: gum can work with adults too. If not, a smile or kind word can work wonders. We can all use a little bit more sweetness in our lives.
Finally, a good bubble gum blowing contest is cathartic.
Life lesson: Blowing a bigger bubble than a whippersnapper can be empowering!
Translation to real life: we could all benefit from embracing the kid inside us from time to time. Adulting is hard. Adulting is stressful. Just because you are an adult doesn't mean you can't have fun.
Get on Amazon and order the bubble gum from your childhood. I promise it'll take you back to a simpler time.
Just remember, gum stuck on your face can be removed with baby oil and a cotton ball.
When was the last time you chewed gum?