From the Kitchen Disaster Diaries, Example 3
We've all seen pictures of groupies seeing their idols and absolutely losing their minds. Some people have gone so far as to faint from excitement. I never understood that reaction.
Then again, if someone offered me the chance to meet the inventor of the CrockPot, I might have that exact reaction. Actually, I might even tinkle a little bit, but let's keep that between us.
But I digress.
Whoever invented that appliance saved my bacon on nine out of ten meals I've made in my lifetime. Dump some meat, dump some liquid, and dinner is served! I have to admit I've never mastered adding rice or pasta successfully, but I'm used to failure in the kitchen.
Again, I digress.
Most mornings, I throw frozen meat, veggies, and soup/broth into my Crockpot, and dinner will be seventy-five percent complete. Very rarely do I burn dinner in the CrockPot, but it is possible. It's just a gift I possess.
One morning, I noticed a frozen turkey breast in the freezer, so I threw that and canned gravy in the CrockPot. That night I microwaved Bob Evans mashed potatoes and green beans. Mama was a chef that night!
As my husband sat down with the kids, he looked at the turkey suspiciously.
"Where did you get the turkey?" he asked.
"The freezer, of course," I replied.
"Don't eat the turkey!" he screamed as he grabbed everyone's plate and threw the dinner down the garbage disposal.
"What are you doing?!!!!!!" I yelled as I watched him commit the cardinal sin of our household – throwing away a dinner I prepared with my own two hands. I was planning his death as I screamed, and it was going to be messy.
"That turkey was ROTTEN!" he explained.
"What are you talking about? I got it out of the freezer this morning!" I could feel the top of my head coming off like a radioactive cloud.
"It was expired! I put it in the freezer so I could throw it away!"
"WHAT?!" I asked.
To this day, I'm not sure I can even explain this man's logic. The turkey had expired, so he put it in the freezer to save it until garbage day. The problem with his logic is:
I DON'T look at dates on the freezer food because you have six months for meat, and we finish it before then.
I DO look at dates in the refrigerator because things expire, and I will not use them at that point.
We have a second refrigerator in the garage that I never pull meat from the freezer.
This is the same man who leaves empty boxes in the pantry for me to find when I need/crave something. I did not marry well.
He's lucky he's a good dad.
It would have been justifiable homicide. No jury would have convicted me. Right?
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