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Is There Value in Lying?


Why are you still reading? That’s all I have to say.

Seriously. I’m done.


Around the time my kids got in middle school, they started speaking an entirely different language. I had no flipping idea what they were saying. I suspect my parents used to feel the same way when I’d say, “Gag me with a spoon” or “cool beans” back in the 80s.

One phrase I immediately learned from them was “No Tea, No Shade.” I understood it quickly because it was the precursor to someone saying some of the most hurtful things you’d ever hear in your life.

For example, “No tea, no shade, Mom, but…”

  • Your dinner was really horrible.

  • You will never have a Kardashian butt (Jokes on them as I do not want one, but I guess their generation does?).

  • You do not sound like Ariana Grande when you sing in the car.

  • You do not dance like Beyoncé.

I shut that down immediately.

First, they were WRONG about the singing and dancing thing (I know it in my heart)! Second, the world is hostile enough without people offering hurtful “unsolicited advice.”

It’s like those people who mask their meanness behind the phrase, “I’m just honest.”

“No, you’re just an a$$hole,” is how I’d like to reply every time I meet these people. But, now that I’m in menopause, I just might. I’ve been itchin’ for an altercation.

It’s one thing if people ask for feedback. But, even then, I believe it should be constructive. There is no justification for crushing someone’s spirit. It’s not productive nor necessary.

As I mentioned earlier, there is value in lying. I especially feel this way when children are in the equation. I don’t believe in trophies for everyone, but there needs to be room for progression.

For example, my son was a hopeless artist as a small child, but he loved to draw. I saw no value in demeaning his efforts, and he became pretty proficient by 3rd or 4th grade. The same went for my daughter’s baking skills in the beginning. Now she makes some of the best cookies around (I think she channels my dead grandmother’s skills).

Nowadays, people have forgotten to ask themselves how their words might make someone feel. I blame it on the anonymous comments made on the internet bleeding into everyday life. People need to realize this behavior is a road to nowhere.

I’m still going to conduct myself in a way that hopefully brings joy over woe. I’m going to incorporate No Tea, No Shade into it because it’s a darling sentence when used correctly.

For example, “No tea, no shade, but…”

  • Those shoes are FABULOUS!

  • You look beautiful today!

  • Your children are so well behaved!

  • You sing like Ariana Grande!

I’m not touching the Kardashian butt thing, though. I don’t know if it’s good or bad, wanted or not. But I don’t want to be on the wrong side of that conversation!

Do you lie? If yes, when do you lie?

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7 comentarios

Cheese would be the only time I would straight up tell the truth. MORE CHEESE!

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Sarah Girkadirk
Sarah Girkadirk
08 oct 2021

Is withholding the entire truth the same thing as lying? Because I do this without shame, tea or shade! I guess one of my favorites phrases from a good-old friend and fellow BABs, "Diplomacy is the art of telling someone to go to hell so well that they look forward to the trip." She taught me that you don't always have to divulge the entire truth. She also taught me the valuable skill of getting the point across without being too sharp. Still, I find one fact to ring true: what value am I adding by saying what's in my head? Still, what happened to the wisdom of the old days? "If you don't have anything nice, don't say anything…

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Contestando a

Or you could just key their car...

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You are so right! I’m beginning to think communication is a lost art.

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07 oct 2021
Contestando a

Especially in this world of technology, no one really communicates.... it's all emojis and abbreviated texting.

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07 oct 2021

"No tea, no shade" Say what??? I have never heard this phrase, I also do not have children around so that could be why I have never heard it, I even went to look it up and found what you were saying about this basically is like saying, "No offense, but..." I don't like it and I never liked "no offense.... but" means you are about to offend. Dr Phil always said, when you use the word BUT in an explanation, everything that comes before it is not truthful. For example, "I really loved your lasagna BUT it needed more cheese." Basically, you didn't really love it because there wasn't enough cheese. (btw, this would not be my lasagna…

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