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How I Almost Lost My Mom Card, Example 1

I share the following story from when my daughter, Hadley, was three years old because it is a message I think all mothers should hear. Would you please take the following Mother Service Announcement with the gravity intended? It could save the future of your relationship with your children.

Have you ever purchased a faux cappuccino at one of those gas station crap-marts? I have, and they aren't half bad. I suspect I'm getting more sugar than coffee in that tumbler of liquid yummy, but it fills the need when I'm three bucks short for a Venti.

Since the machines are self-serve, they have directions in BOLD that caution you to fill the cup 3/4 full or suffer the consequences. I defy anyone not to test that recommendation. For the love of java, I am not paying $1.78 for 1/4 cup of foam! As any caffeine addict will admit, this is a hard lesson to learn. It's a reprimand punctuated with second-degree burns and a ruined pair of pants.

Not many people know that these exact directions should apply to the ICEE machines at Target. But, once again, it's the self-serve option that's the source of the problem. What makes this beverage even more lethal is that you won't hesitate to serve it to your unsuspecting children.

The day of the "incident" went something like this. It was a sweltering summer day, so I decided to buy Hadley an icy treat to help combat the dehydrating effects of the weather. Unfortunately, the counter help threw down the gauntlet by giving me a cup with a domed lid that provoked me to fill it to the top.

I could hear it calling, "C'mon, Wussy Girl! I dare you!"

Being the competitive gal that I am, I filled that cup within an inch of its life. But, alas, my plan went awry. It's not common knowledge, but ICEEs swell before they settle, and my ICEE was heading north of the border fast.

I started screaming, "Hadley! Start sucking on the straw before your drink overflows!"

As most people know, this command will result in the most unimaginable form of torture, a.k.a. brain freeze. Yet, I have never witnessed a more heartbreaking sight than my three-year-old clutching her forehead in horror as she tried to comprehend what just happened. Helplessly, I watched as she looked around for the two-by-four that just smacked her square in the noggin.

Let this serve as a forewarning for all inexperienced mothers. Fill with discretion when it comes to self-serve beverages. If that ICEE is going to overflow, take one for the team and suck it up.

Remember, the drink will spill anyway if your child ends up on the floor in the fetal position.

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Linda DiRubbio
Linda DiRubbio
Oct 08, 2021

Omg! I’m laughing so hard that I’m crying! Now how am I supposed to fall asleep as it 240 am and I’m cracking up and over stimulated from your stories! Keep em coming Sista! This is my Therspy!

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