In no way can anyone prepare you for motherhood. It is rife with unexpected events and dismay that will boggle your mind. Truthfully, I expected to have more answers. But, boy, was I wrong.
The thing that causes the most heartache for me is when my children experience rejection. Whether it is from a person, group, job, school, or whatever, it is the worst feeling in the world. So how do you explain away what they see as their failure?
We understand that our children are not perfect, but they are certainly good enough for an after-school job at Home Depot. They might be a little shy in large groups, but they would be great in Student Government. And do not get me started about why that rat-fink [insert kid’s name here] didn’t like my baby dumpling! It all compounds into a greater sense of disappointment in your kid’s mind.
I know that to endure this world, we all have to build an outer shell (not unlike an M&M). The only way to earn that thick coating is to survive dismissal and keep moving. But, seriously, does our shell have to be THAT thick? Or start at such a tender age?
And how do you have the answers for them when you cannot find them for yourself?
I just realized that with every rejection or failure, I immediately blame myself. Just like my kids. Which makes me think it must be a universal reaction.
Yet, most times, when I look back on those rejections, they have happened for a reason. Almost always, I have come out the other side stronger, more prosperous, and happier. It’s just so damn hard to remember that HINDSIGHT is coming if I just hang on.
In a way, maybe it’s given me the best explanation for my kid’s woes.
I’d say, “I’m sorry you didn’t get it. Neither did I. What would you tell me about my rejection?”
Luckily, my kids are kind and would usually say, “It was their loss. But, something better is on the way.”
I reply, “Right back at you, kiddo.”
How do you explain away failure?